The Calm Before The Storm

That seems to have a negative connotation, doesn't it? "The Calm Before The Storm" - sounds like something bad is about to come, I feel. I suppose since the storms we hear about wreak havoc and cause such destruction it does make sense, but what about those storms that we enjoy? The storms that cause us to want to drop whatever we are doing to run outside in whatever we are wearing just so we can experience all that is going on with all of our senses. We don't care that we are getting drenched from head to toe, getting a bit chilly from the fierce wind, having to keep our eyes squinted so that it doesn't get pierced by the rain while we still try to see the lightning, and screaming all at the same time with pure joy because it's all we can think of doing with our voices in the midst of the fury of the weather. All we care about in these moments is doing all we can, as fast as we can, for as long as we can to experience them to the fullest so we don't miss out and so we may take part in what is laid before us. While others may think it crazy to take part in such a bizarre activity because they don't want to have the hassle of drying off or warming up or being tired afterwards, we don't care about that either in these storms. It isn't that we are ignorant of what will happen afterwards, no, it is much better than that. We take advantage of what is happening now, knowing that whatever may happen afterwards pales in comparison to what is happening in that storm. It is storms like these that we never want to end, that we never want to stop experiencing, that we want to live in. That kind of storm doesn't sound very negative to me at all, in fact, it sounds rather positive and exciting I think.

It's this kind of storm I'm trying to think of when I think about my outreach to Kenya. When was that again? Oh yeah, two days from now. It's hard for me to really grasp that it's happening and for me to put to words what I'm feeling, because I'm not sure what I'm really feeling either. One thing I think I'm able to consistently feel regarding the outreach is that it will be something that I will want to experience with all of my senses and something that I will be wanting to spend as much time doing all I can to make it the best experience it can be. It is something that I will be wanting to take advantage of because it really is an opportunity laid before me by God.

Well since we're on this defining topic, what shall we say then is this "Calm" before the storm? You could probably guess - it would be this Christmas break back home in Wenatchee, Washington. It has been marvelous being home and seeing so many friends and family and spending so much time with them, and I am so grateful I have been able to see them all before I head out again, this time on a global scale. Everybody back here at home as been so supportive of everything I've been going through this year and are all excited to hear about what's been going on and what's going to be happening in the near future, and I've enjoyed talking about it all to them. This week has been full of pretty much that - relaxing and quality time with loved ones and catching up on how things have been, and not much else. This has been very enjoyable, but it also has been very different - giving consideration to how for the past 13 weeks I've been living according to a pretty packed schedule and doing a lot of things in that packed schedule, I would say this week may have been quite a drastic change in comparison. I almost didn't really know how to act without the schedule, and I feel that I somewhat floundered in response to the change in habitat. The lack of things going on was a bit overwhelming I now realize.

Before I arrived home for the break, I had been thinking a bit about what it was going to be like when I went home and how I was scared of what I was going to be like when I returned to familiar places and how I might return to old habits and fall back into the motions - a place I did not want to return to. I type this onto the document right now with sorrow as I realize that I did indeed return to old habits and I did have a very difficult time maintaining what I had going on throughout all of DTS. I never set up any time for me to have devotions, I never had deliberate prayer, I never really gave God any time. I can't believe how easy it had been this past week to basically drop so many good things that I had been doing for several weeks. I have asked for forgiveness and I do believe I have received it and I have forgiven myself as well, but I still am wanting to learn from this past week's mistakes and have it in the back of my head for future reference. By no means do I think being with my friends and family attributed to my personal mistakes and failures (and I don't think spending time with them was a waste of time either), I do believe that they were caused by my own weaknesses, and I also believe that I'm not beating myself up - just being honest.

I view this past week as "The Calm Before The Storm," and I realize that I don't want to live as I have personally this past week as far as habits and spare time goes; I don't want to live in The Calm anymore. I want to live in The Storm. I want this Calm to be the last one I experience, and I want the Storm that will be starting very soon to never end. Even when I come home after DTS is said and done, I want to still be living in The Storm and I want to be experiencing all God is having for me to experience. I don't want to view foreign third world countries to be the only places for missions; I want to view the whole world as a mission field, and I want to treat it as a mission field as well. I was talking with a couple of very good friends the other night about DTS and whatnot, and one of them asked something along the lines of if I was afraid that this whole DTS would be a simple mountain-top experience. He asked if I was afraid that, given enough time, I would eventually slip back into the norm and the fire I once had would fade away. I replied that I didn't think DTS was a mountain-top experience for me to eventually descend and return to normalcy. I viewed DTS instead as a "new" norm. I myself didn't even know that that's how I viewed DTS, and I hadn't ever thought of it like that before; I'm convinced that God put those words in my mouth, both for my friends and myself to hear. I have been given a new norm, a Storm, to live in, and anything else I do besides that will be irregular and simply wrong. I ask for prayer as I leave in a couple days to re-enter the Storm so that I do indeed re-enter it and experience it to the fullest, but, more importantly, so I may never leave it again.