Week 4: Holy Spirit

"But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you."
John 14:26 (NIV)

I've been looking forward to this week ever since this DTS began. The Holy Spirit has always been a vague concept for me to grasp and I've never truly understood his role in the trinity and, for that matter, in my life personally. That being said, I had a lot of expectations going into this week; finding out who the Holy Spirit really is, what he does, and how he is significant in my life were the big questions on my mind, and they were all answered to me quite clearly. I also had the expectation that this knowledge would  in some way change my life's path to some degree, I don't know what specifically that change would be, but I figured it would be slight. I had no idea how wrong I would be and just how big the change would be after all. I guess it wasn't really the knowledge of the Holy Spirit that caused the change, but the Holy Spirit was involved for sure. I'll go more into this later; bear with me.

The speaker we had for this week was Mike Esposito, a short, buff, loud Italian born in the Bronx and now a YWAM base director in Atlanta, Georgia as well as a pastor. With him as the teacher of this topic, it was not a challenge whatsoever to pay attention in class and hear what he had to say about the Holy Spirit, which I was very thankful for as I was not wanting to miss a word. He started the first day by giving a general and broad introduction to the Holy Spirit as well as give a layout for the week. The layout for the week was typical with classes being every morning, except because of prior arrangements, Mike was having to leave early Friday morning, causing us to have our last session on Thursday night. He went on to say that the last session wasn't going to be a typical class time; it would consist of us waiting on the Holy Spirit to "fill us"; more on this soon. The introduction he gave us was largely focused on how the biggest difference between now and the Old Testament was that in the O.T. the people were under the Old Covenant between them and God (Sacrifices, temples, and laws given by God; The Ten Commandments) and now we are under the New Covenant, which is far superior to the Old Covenant as the Bible says. He went onto say the Holy Spirit has always been active in mankind and that it is not a new concept that came along with the New Covenant. The Holy Spirit did have different roles under the Old and New Covenants, however. Under the Old, the Holy Spirit was with, never in, the people, and he could come and go from people as God chose. Under the New, the Holy Spirit comes in us when we accept and believe in Christ and he stays in us as well.

I could go on and explain everything that Mike taught us this week, but I'm not a fan of writing obnoxiously long posts, and I'm sure none of you are fans of reading such posts either! So here is a summary of other topics he touched on:

- People were saved in the Old Testament just like we are saved now; by faith.

- Jesus did not start his ministry until the Holy Spirit came upon him and anointed him after he was baptized by John the Baptist.

- God's kindness is what leads people to repentance, not condemnation, therefore not only are we advised to not judge and condemn people because of our own sins, but also because it does no good to people and it does not show the love of God. Furthermore, Jesus did not come to bring condemnation (John 3:17), so what makes us think we should as well?

- The Holy Spirit is what tells us what God is thinking because he is the only one who knows what God is thinking. Also, what he tells us is what we are meant to know, and what he doesn't tell us we are meant to not know; very simple yet very important.

- Slow obedience is disobedience.

- The Principle of No-Failure: When we hear a call we think is from the Holy Spirit, pray about it, counsel with a spiritual leader, and take action accordingly, we will never fail. We will make mistakes, but mistakes are merely teachers for success. Also, even if our aim is off, because we are taking action out of faith, God will redirect our path to go back towards Him because He is more committed to our life than we will ever be.

- Because the Holy Spirit is a Spirit of Regeneration, we are not obligated to continually live sinfully or live in generational sins; we are no longer "stuck" because the Holy Spirit redeems and heals us.

- The empowerment of the Holy Spirit and the various reactions people have to feeling the Holy Spirit's presence (laughter, falling, dancing, singing, etc.).

Now about Thursday night. This is where the change that twisted my life originated. The premise for this night was that we were going to sit and wait on the Holy Spirit to fill us and empower us, just as the disciples did (Acts 1:7, 8). Their waiting resulted in flaming tongues coming into their presence and everyone hearing what the disciples were saying in their own languages (Acts 2:1-8). Quite honestly, we weren't expecting flaming tongues. The reason the disciples were waiting for the Holy Spirit to empower them was so that they would be able to do the most for the glory of God and be "witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." (Acts 1:8). We were waiting on the Holy Spirit to talk to us and tell us things that would help us be better servants. We were trying to not set any expectation but we were preparing ourselves by praying throughout the day to have our hearts and souls open in order to receive what God wanted to tell us in its entirety. Along with waiting on the Spirit, we were informed that the staff and Mike would be coming to us and pray for the Spirit to come and make himself and his will known to us. Also, they would keep their mind open for the Spirit to come and tell them any words that were directed towards us students. Throughout this whole day we did our best to not set any bar for how well the night would go, but we were most definitely excited.

A bit of background information on my part before talking about what happened that night. My whole life I have had a strong desire to have a career that would be significant. Now, by significant, I meant your stereotypical careers that would "make a difference" while also making a steady and reliable income. I never had a desire to be a rich and greedy man, but I didn't want to just barely be able to pay the bills and support my family either. In my case, the two jobs that circled throughout my thoughts over the years were in the fields of engineering and medical. Basically, I wanted a job that would make a difference so I would feel good morally and as a Christian while also making good money so I would feel safe; I wanted safe and easy Christianity.

As of Winter Quarter earlier this year I had felt strongly that I was meant to pursue being a doctor and incorporate some medical mission work as well. I was convinced this was correct because it was a good career and would have Christian attributes being on the mission field. I was so content with that decision that I felt God was convicting me to pursue it. The more I thought about it, the more excited about it I got and the more I looked forward to being a doctor, making money, being able to pay off school debts within a few years, and serving God all at the same time. It was perfect and any other career ideas that popped in my head I quickly dismissed.

Last week during our lesson on The Nature and Character of God, Barb gave us a bit of time to think about things on this world that we were holding onto tighter than we were holding onto God; things we weren't willing to give up for God. The second that she brought that up, my mind shouted out my pursuing of being a doctor. I was so shocked by it and was so against it that I shoved it back into the depths of my mind and convinced myself that it was not from God, it was my mind playing tricks on me. It took a little while for me to suppress the thoughts, but after a while I was able to do it and I forgot about it.

Now back to Thursday night. I felt very prepared for what the Holy Spirit had to tell me and had prayed earnestly and intensely for God to feel welcome to come into my heart and speak the truth to me. The night started out with a couple worship songs and transferred to one of the staff playing the piano and eventually that transitioned to some quiet music being played from the speakers. I knelt and tried to clear my mind and just wait for the Spirit to speak to me, but I didn't receive anything. After worship ended, Mike, my one-on-one, Sean, and Josh, the DTS leader approached me first and started praying for me and feeding me information the Spirit had told them to give me. Sean was hearing a lot about knowledge and Solomon's wisdom and how God was wanting me to have that same wisdom, which sounded good to me because wisdom and knowledge lined up with being a doctor. And then Mike and Josh prayed for me and told me what they were hearing. Josh saw me climbing great heights, like tall mountains, and achieving significant accomplishments, another sign towards being a doctor, but then he said that God was wanting me to be a Teacher of the Word, and Mike said that he heard Proclaimer of the Word. What? That didn't seem to line up. The more I thought about it, the more I thought it sounded like God was wanting me to be a Theology Professor or maybe even a pastor. Later another staff came up and told me how I was to think of the Church as Jesus did; as His bride. He said I would lead the Church to its full potential and I would mature as a man and have the Church mature with me. This sounded more and more like a pastor, and I started to freak out.

I've always disliked the idea of me being a pastor. Always. Not only for the simple reason that I was not a good public speaker and always stood shaking as I spoke, but for the over-all reason that it would require total reliance on God. For income, for material to present, for everything. I was petrified. I then remembered a couple of verses one of the staff had presented me earlier in the event:

"Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them."
Joshua 1:6 (NIV)

Well that was somewhat encouraging, but I still was skeptical and really felt that I was not capable of the job. Sure God said for me to be strong and courageous, but that's always easier said than done I felt, and then I read the second verse:

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9 (NIV) (emphasis mine)

Ouch. That hit me hard. All this time I had been telling God that I was ready and that I was wanting Him to tell me His will, but I was never truly receptive until tonight, and He took advantage of it. I was telling Him to give me a stable job and then let me serve Him, but that was never in His plan. I was never willing to totally be reliant on Him. I had heard story after story growing up in the church about people being supplied in every way in their life by God, yet I never thought that that's how God had planned my life to be. As soon as I realized this, what felt like a wave of comfort and peace washed over me. I felt content letting God speak to me and how He had been honest with me, which is what I wanted. I now know that this time I have here at the DTS is a time God has given me for confirmation and for me to be in constant openness towards what He has to tell me. It's an exciting time in my life that I'm going through right now as well as, at times, stressful as I am waiting on the Lord to continue to direct me and teach me, but praise God for family and friends, new and old, who encourage me along the way!